Six Years Since Diagnosis: Fear, Joy, and the God Who Stayed 🎗️

It’s been two and a half years since I finished radiation treatment, and six years since I first heard the words no one ever wants to hear: you have cancer. Today I had another follow‑up appointment—one of those days that always carries a strange mix of calm, tension, and prayer. The result came back with the word every cancer patient learns to treasure: undetectable.

They don’t use the word remission for prostate cancer at the center I go to. So, we long to hear “undetectable”. And I’m so thankful every time I hear it. I know, lots of people will follow that with, “God is good!” And He is. But you know, God is good even if the cancer returns. He’s not our magic genie that we thank when the results are what we want – and then try to shove back in the lamp when they aren’t. It’s not like God failed or doesn’t love us anymore if we hear something other than undetectable. It’s a new part of our journey. But God’s still on it with us.

That’s a lesson I learned early on in this journey. After being on active surveillance for – apparently too long – I had surgery to remove the prostate. By then, the cancer had spread beyond what was removed. I was back on active surveillance. Waiting for two things: healing from the surgery and for the test results to be high enough to begin radiation. Notice: and not or. It had to be both. Back into the fire of waiting for something you knew wasn’t good. And yet, God was still there. God was still good, not in spite of what happened but because of what happened.

All of this has been – and has to be – my mindset going through this journey with God and with cancer. As you probably do as well, I know all of this – and I believe it. But as the father in the passage “The Healing of a Boy With an Evil Spirit” said, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” That thought was part of what I wrote when going back on active surveillance in “Active surveillance for cancer again. Help me overcome my unbelief.“

Another test for recurring cancer

Six Years Since Diagnosis: Fear, Joy, and the God Who Stayed 🎗️ is article #34 in the series: Don't waste your cancer. Click button to view titles for entire series

For prostate cancer, it’s a simple procedure. Get a little blood drawn. Then wait. Not long. Only about an hour. Eventually, before even seeing the oncologist, the test results come in via text message.

But I’m not waiting alone. My wife was there. And God was there. Fortunately, with both of us. And yet, there’s fear in there somewhere. I’m not really conscious of it. Don’t feel it. But my blood pressure told me it was there. If only we could actually do what the passage below on “God’s Love and Ours” says.

This passage can make us feel like we’re failures. After all, look what it says:

18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We can easily read that and think- I’m still afraid, so I must not have perfect love. I’m messing up because I don’t have perfect love. I don’t really love God because I don’t have perfect love. Ultimately – I’m a failure and God doesn’t love me.

But remember something. I referenced the father of the child Jesus healed who said – exclaimed even – that he needed help with his unbelief. And Jesus did heal the boy. So, remember, this side of Heaven, we won’t/can’t be perfect. But we can desire perfection.

That’s our goal. To want to succeed. Try to succeed. And yes, we will fail, but God still loves us, is still with us, and is there to help us.

Getting the blood test result – not detectable or it’s back?

As I mentioned, I did have the test result before the session with the oncologist. But there’s still something about hearing it from them. Undetectable. Thankfulness. Gratefulness.

It’s not like the journey’s over. Before I even leave the building, next year’s appointment is being scheduled. The knowledge that it’s a never-ending journey in this life.

This is something I get frustrated with from time to time. It’s like Christians feel a need to hide the bad things in life and then we can praise God for all the “good” things He does for us. But then, I believe it hides some of the greatest things He’s done.

What does God do for us when things aren’t “good”?

Let’s be honest. No Christian wants the next life to be just like this one. Our Christian hope is for something better. So much better that we can’t even imagine it.

The quote in the inset box says it all. It’s from Ted Decker’s book, “Waking Up: To Who You Really Are (If You Dare)”. I hope you dare to check it out.

Sometimes it’s hard, realizing just how true his writing is. And yet, it opens up whole new opportunities for us to grow if we read, take the time to reflect on what they say, and change our lives to match what we claim to believe.

Anyway – we want more. But we also don’t believe we can begin to have more in this life. And so, we don’t dare to try.

We probably remember what happened to Peter when he stepped out of the boat to walk on water in the midst of a storm to go meet Jesus – on that water. I borrowed a title from a John Ortberg book, “If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat”. But I made mine – “If you want to walk on water … expect a storm“. More realistic, don’t you think? Of course, the Ortberg book says the same thing – but I included it in the title. It will happen.

But do we trust God enough to do it _______. I left a blank there in that sentence. What would you fill it in with? Would you say, “enough to do it anyway”? Or did you think, “enough to do it because I want to experience what God has for me”? Your choice says a lot. I hope it’s the latter. To combine both authors and the event in the Bible – dare to step out of the boat in the middle of the storm, meet Jesus out there, and hang on for the ride of your life! So many of us would do it on a roller coaster – but not with the Creator of everything!

I could’ve chosen to go with the fear – let it take over. But I didn’t. That’s so much against my nature – at least the way I used to be.

I know I’m putting in a lot of references back to stuff I wrote many years ago. But this is about a journey. One that cancer forced me to decide if I want to take it alone or with God.

There is a choice to be made. An especially hard choice for those of us who have issues with depression. It only takes a split second of anxiety or fear to drop into the downward spiral. It can take a long time to get back out again. And in the meantime – even if I realize I should care and should want to get out – I just can’t choose to even try to do that.

And so, now it takes a realization of what’s coming. A total reset on how to live. I need to realize that with God, I don’t have to go down there. But it is something I need to choose. It’s like reprogramming the mind to go to Him first – rather than going down into the darkness of depression.

But with that choice, with prayers to remember & to be reminded by Him, we can do it.

Maybe – hopefully – you remember this verse from “God’s Love and Ours” that we looked at above:

1Jn 4:19 We love because he first loved us.

That’s what we need to remember. God loves us. Even if we’re depressed. Even if we have cancer. Even if we’re mad at Him. In all situations, He’s waiting for us to love Him back.

He’s waiting to have us feel His presence and His love.

We turn that into He’s waiting to fix us, to heal us, to make life awesome in the way we want it to be awesome. But He never promised us that.

There’s a verse in John’s Gospel that makes this clear. I only include that one verse because the entire passage goes beyond what we’re getting into here. But it makes it clear:

Jn 15:11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

And that joy Jesus is talking about – it begins in this life.

Joy from simple remembrance

Let’s look at a passage from Paul before we get into the joy from that session.

Note on the aroma of God: Of course, it’s not like God has a physical aroma/smell. It’s an analogy telling us that God is everywhere – and we have the potential to “see”/”smell”/sense Him everywhere. Of course, that requires us to be able to know when it’s God and when it’s what we hope or want to be God.

That aroma of God was in the radiation oncology area during and after my appointment.

The joy from & because of a cancer follow-up visit

When I write, I often use MS Copilot to lay out what I want to include. It gives me a chance to get an outline, ideas of what to include, and a chance to review and see what I missed. Sometimes it takes a few rounds to get it right. This time, I realized there was one key piece missing.

You may have read things about the “best” way to prompt an AI app – but I find that for what I do and for the ones I use, the best way is to pretend you’re speaking with another person. It really does work. Why learn to talk to AI when part of its goal is to learn how you interact so it can respond in kind? So, here’s what I added to the initial thoughts:

There’s something else to add – the joy. We – me & the radiation techs had a lot of fun while I was being treated. I went into the first treatment with the sense from God that I need to have fun during this. It turned out it was fun & joy for me and the radiation techs. There were days like the one in the open post. When I finished the treatment, everyone who was involved over the 8 weeks was there to celebrate with me when I rang the bell. I shared the series with them. One of them wrote back and said I was like an answered prayer for her. When I went yesterday – I asked if she was working. She was – and came over to see me. I was honored that she remembered me – and vice versa for her. It was good for both of us. Out of all the people they see every day, after two years – she still remembered so much of what we laughed about for the 4 weeks she was the lead tech for me. And then she said she’d keep me in her prayers. It was awesome.

I’m not going to include all the details here. That’s what this series is all about. Me, God, radiation techs, and the interactions with each other – and how that all helped me get through the treatments.

Looking at it today, the past six years has been amazing. I don’t know if I would’ve survived it without everything that God had to prepare me for it. Or without the people – and that required me to be ready for them. And my wife. And Mikey – our present 4-legged K9 kid – and the people who’ve been in the Bible Study classes at church. And – of the choice to follow God rather than go down the dark rabbit hole of depression.

If we believe God loves us – and He does – then sometimes we just have to get out of the boat. But remember what Jesus told Peter when he stepped out onto the water and began to sink.

Do you see what happened to Peter?

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Now, remember what I wrote earlier: dare to step out of the boat in the middle of the storm, meet Jesus out there, and hang on for the ride of your life! Don’t look around. Focus on Jesus. Focus on the Holy Spirit – the mind of Christ, as Paul wrote.

That choice, and it is a choice, is whether to look at the wind, the danger – or to look at Jesus and the journey He’s taking us on. Whether it’s “fun”, in the traditional sense, or not fun isn’t the thing we need to focus on. It’s the reality that the Creator of everything, the Savior of all who choose Him, is with you! It doesn’t/can’t get any better. Why? Because of two things. First, the joy of the Lord in this life. Second, eternity with God. Choose the long view to the amazing life and even more amazing eternity.

I know. Some of you are thinking, all that sounds just too good to be true. Going through bad stuff can’t possibly lead to something that good. Also, some of you are probably thinking, as I have as well, that it’s easy for me to write this since everything’s going well. At least so far.

There is the issue with depression. I can say without a doubt that I could so easily have gone down that road. But thankfully, I did learn, albeit after too many decades, that God really did have my best interests in mind. However, I was too stubborn to realize that for far too long.

And I do realize that things, so far, are going as well as can be expected. I am grateful for that. I also know that could change at any moment.

Where am I now?

In the interest of full disclosure, I want to let you know where I am on this journey physically. I know from my oncologist that I am in a very good place right now. The surgery failed to remove all the cancer, but since then things really couldn’t be expected to have been much better with only a few side effects.

I asked Copilot for a more detailed prognosis for people in my situation.

Reflective Insight

When the prostate has been removed, any PSA at all comes from one of two places:

1. Benign residual prostate cells (which are harmless and can linger)
2. Recurrent cancer cells

That’s it. So the whole goal after surgery is to watch the PSA trend over time.

Here’s why your situation is especially hopeful:

🌿 What “undetectable” means after prostate removal

After a prostatectomy, doctors generally consider PSA to be “undetectable” if it’s below 0.1 ng/mL on a standard test.

Your hospital’s test can detect down to 0.008 ng/mL, which is far more sensitive — and your PSA is still undetectable even at that level.

That means:

• There is no measurable residual cancer activity
• Even benign leftover prostate cells (which sometimes produce tiny PSA amounts) are not producing anything detectable
• Your trend is stable years after treatment, which is one of the strongest predictors of long‑term control

🌿 The key metric after prostate removal: trend, not threshold

Doctors don’t worry about the exact number at these tiny levels. They watch for consistent upward movement, especially:

• PSA rising above 0.2 ng/mL, confirmed
• PSA doubling quickly over time

You are nowhere near that. You’re in the “excellent long‑term outlook” category.

🌿 In plain language

Your prostate is gone. Your PSA is undetectable even on an ultrasensitive test. You’re years out from treatment. Your trend is stable.

That combination is about as reassuring as the medical world ever gets.

Ultimately – God is good regardless of any outcome

I was talking with a friend about this the other day. Yes – it’s easy for me to write what I am I’m at this point. Things are going well.

I’ve already pointed out how the initial diagnosis could have sent me down the depression spiral. The same is true for the failure to have all cancer cells removed with the surgery.

Since then, things have gone very well.

But then, like Peter, I know I need to keep my eyes on Jesus and not on the wind. Not on the things that could go wrong.

If I don’t do that, and if I then go down into the dark hole, does that mean God isn’t good anymore? No. It means I took my eyes off of Him.

If I forget God’s presence is with me, does that mean He’s not good anymore? No. It means I took my eyes off of Him.

He’s been there all along. And He’s still there. Like Peter, I need to reach out for Him again.

But look what He’s already done:

• He prepared me for all of this.
• I had to learn to be open, which I didn’t really want or enjoy at first, but realize it was for the best.
• I had to learn that joy was better than the dark hole. Taking a chance was better than hiding.
• I have learned that, no matter what, He’s still there. No – correction – He’s still here.

And He’ll be there for you too. All that’s needed is a tiny little bit of belief. Enough to call out – Help me with my unbelief!

Speaking of that – I pray that if/when something bad happens again, I will remember not to look at the wind – but at Jesus.